What the heck...

...I've spilled my guts before!

Ok…who the heck Scrapped me?? Far too many of you I'd say!
What in tarnation are you all trying to tell me anyhow?
In my book, Scrapping is what you do with something that’s old or no longer useful

for it’s original purpose…like Scrap Iron, Scrap paper, table scraps…

What’s a person like me supposed to think?

Geez!
So you think you want Scraps of me?
Well, hope you don’t regret Scrappin’ this ol’ gal!

I can come back to haunt you, you know!

I've thought long and hard as to whether I'd do this or not.
I then remembered that some of you already know more about me
than my own family does~ as since the beginning of my blogging last May,
it's been no holds barred as my fingers tap away at the keyboard!
So, here's some more dirt on me.
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Just be sure to fill the hole back in when you are done reading!
Shovel will be provided!
Start Diggin' my friends...

1) I may be a short, lightweight, lefty…but don’t let that fool you! Cowboy always warns people that dynamite comes in small packages! I can hold my own with most men, pull more than my own weight, stand tall for what I believe in and punch with my right if necessary! (I’m sure for these reasons, I won’t be caring for myself by the time I’m 60-70…but then, someone had better shoot me!
If there are any takers on this deed, we can sign a contract now, so I can rest easy...)

2) I tend to hold my anger or frustrations inside. In all honestly, I’ve only totally ‘lost it’ 3 times in my life! Twice with Hydro (daughter). First was when she was 8..she threatened to jump off the rail of a bridge into a dry creek... (She was mad at me for something). Running towards her, with willow branch waving , she got off and ran up an embankment like a deer! I was hot on her tail with my blood boiling! Unfortunately, my endurance could not match a spry 8 year olds. I was exhausted by the time I got to the top where she stood so smug, all I could do was hug her! Not out of love…but for needing to hang on and catch my breath and wits!
Second time was during those trying “mother/daughter” years (I'm still amazed my Mom survived 3 girls!). One evening I was so angry (hmmm..can’t remember why now though) , I stormed flew out of my room, charged at her with my finger wagging and tongue flailing as she sat in a rocker in front of ceiling to floor windows…she honestly thought I was going to shove her out through the glass…and I wanted to.
My third time of cutting loose was with Cowboy! 20+ years ago.....before he quit drinking...hence he hasn't drank since!

3) I dreamed since I was a young girl ~of having my own Nursery/Greenhouse. Becoming a Cowboy’s wife as I did, meant following the Cowboy way, not getting my fingers in the dirt of my choosing! You must move and move again to where ever a Cowboy needs to go. Where the work is! We have moved 22 times in our years. Bought, built and/or remodeled (100% with our own hands)...7 of those times. If there was anything already hinting of “landscaped”…I’d hand dig it all up and start with my own ideas. I planned & planted. I watched my endeavors spring to life, become as I dreamed they be! Just as they’d begin to flourish~it was time to move again. That's as close to my dreams I've ever gotten.
(3 ½: I never totally unpack everything!)

4) I went to college and became a Paralegal. I needed to prove to "someone" in my life…that I was capable! That I deserved to be treated as a valued person; that I warranted respect. While going to college full time, working full time…and never ever neglecting the young lives of my children....
I didn’t get much sleep in those days…heck I still don’t.....
I learned a valuable lesson because of my Advisor. To be assertive! And assertive I became!
I divorced "the reason" I needed to go to college! (Yep…I was married before!) I never went on to pursue that career, because I had accomplished my goal! And it felt wonderful! I began to actually live & breathe again! Then I met Cowboy….and with like #3, a Paralegal career would not fit into that lifestyle.
And I didn’t care! I have no regrets.

5) I’m a self taught ‘electrician’! Electricity bothers me NOT! I wired and rewired those houses I talked about in #3. (Cowboy fears electricity!) Each time I passed inspection the first time! I am the designated electric fence tester. I can grab hold and hang on without care! Electrical things in my life have a very short life span. Toasters, irons, sewing machines, handheld phones, curling irons, hair dryers, (like I ever need these!), coffee pots, (my trusty Bunn is the only one that survives my coffee passion…the 3 I’ve owned have each lasted a min. of 4 years! Others…a max. of 4 weeks!). The list goes on and on including computers. I have ‘fried’ 2 of my own and 3 at jobs I’ve held.
Warning, never hire me if you want your computer to live!

6) My Cowboy and others call me an Artist. That is a HUGE title, one which I’ve yet to acknowledge. Pencil is one I prefer, etching on scratchboard is another. I give it all away to who ever thinks they want it. I have kept a few of my favorites and only when we moved here, 3 years ago, would I allow them to hang on my walls. (I am my own worst critic). I love working with wood and building things. Outside? Nature and it's gifts provides me another palette to get creative with! I took up stained glass last winter, making my own patterns and teaching myself as I learned, burned & cut myself, broke and cussed at many shards! Funds and economy stopped me in my tracks, from pursuing it again this winter.

7) I am a perfectionist! And I hate myself for it sometimes! A few hints....when I edge my lawn…I use an old kitchen knife & scissors, while on my hands and knees to making the “perfect” curve or straight edge.
When I paint walls (which I love to do. I am forever changing the colors in my house)...I use a tiny artist brush at the ceilings, the floor, around the trims & tiny 'surprises' sprinkled about. Takes me hours and hours. I tolerate no ‘slips’ or misses!
Cleaning? A toothbrush and my hands and knees are my companion! These days I make sure I have my reading glasses on so I miss not a single speck!

8) Yet…at the same time as #7…I can walk away when I see my quest has come to completion…..almost! The last 1-2” of a hand painted design on a bedroom wall will never be finished; a picture or stained-glass creation will lie tossed to the side and never be framed until someone else lays claim to it. The end product looks just like I envisioned, albeit 99.9% completed! I need no more than that.

9) I could be a vegetarian easily. I am pretty (ridiculously) finicky about my meat! Corn fed beef (done our way!) and hung for 30 days (costs more though but worth every dime or rather dollar!) on my orders or I won’t patronize that butcher, cut NO fat off! Pork MUST have fat also! I cannot eat store bought pork or beef! Or most other people’s idea of GOOD meat!

Better put on and pull up your waders....this one is deep!

10) If I were alone…I would live at the ocean. The Pacific...Oregon shores are the best!

I’d walk the sandy beaches barefoot. I’d allow the crashing waves to tackle my ankles.

I’d inhale the salty sea mist and listen as the gulls cry through the skies.

I’d have a little cozy cottage, complete with a fireplace to curl up by.

I’d write, I’d draw, I’d read, I’d quilt, I’d blog!
Rain or shine!!
I'd live on tacos and PB & J's...& coffee of course!
I L-O-V-E the ocean…the peace it brings me.

And.....
Now, hang on to your saddles here …those of you who love them…I would never have to see, speak or hear the word HORSE again! On MY turf!

Without going into a ton of detail for my reasons (I've got 30+ years of pent up reasons!)

...HORSE means: broke in the wallet, too many hours of people, time dominance, restrictive & obtrusive, damage, pain ....I'll stop here as I'm sure I just dug my hole deeper here...but that's me and my guts spilling.....

Now that I’ve been ‘forced’ into scrapping my life…

I thought it would be harder to do and then I had to start eliminating,

would anyone care to pick up the pieces, glue them back together so

I can start all over again?

Nope, dumb question…I don’t want to start over!

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I would not change my life!

I may not always like the life that I have,

but I always love my Cowboy and our life together!

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Here's your shovel, as I promised~now start filling the dirt back in!

If you feel inclined? Go dig up some dirt of your own,

scrap yourself on your blog for us to read!

While you are at it....please shovel my snow too!

Thanks!

**EDIT: 1/7/09**..if you feel the need to leave a judgmental email instead of a comment, please go here first.