Where's the song ~~ "Don't let your daughters grow up to marry a Cowboy" ?

​​​​​​​Life is tough! Requires hard physical work, long, long days of pain, dirt, and broken fingernails.​
​Days of frigid cold & scorching heat; through the dust & mud; daybreak into the darkness of nite~~​
​the heart & body becomes toughened & weathered replicating leather!​
​A forever constant factor for a real Cowboy's Wife is tons of sweat, oceans of tears and a constant 'drought' in the wallet!​
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​​​​​​​​​IF​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ she wants to spend anytime at all with her Cowboy, she must do as he does, you become partners!​
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​​​​​​Kick off your boots, grab a cup of coffee, sit back and envision yourself in my life!​
​... It really isn't that bad! There are many rewards to be had to make it a great lifestyle! ...​ ​​​​​​​

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

We Can Choose Our Friends...

…yet we cannot choose our family!
A bittersweet reality...in our life.


****WARNING****
If you are looking for a smile or to enjoy that cup of coffee in hand,
you may want to leave and visit someone else's blog.
This is MY rant, from MY heart.

Before I explain, let me explain!


A brief history:
Cowboy’s mom died when he was 6. His Real Brother, (RealB) was 10 months old.
FIL married a widower almost right away. She had 5 children.

One of which, I will call StepB (Step-brother).
FIL passed away 2 years ago last month. We were very close and he lived not too far from us.
Cowboy was not ‘close’ to either of the brothers.
RealB, we had not seen in about 9 years until FIL’s passing.
StepB, we had not seen in over 20 years until FIL’s passing.

(we had never met his now 14 year old son “K”.)
*
StepB called out of the blue while Cowboy was gone.
It had been 2 years since last hearing from him.
He and his son were drawn for the late White Tail deer hunt in our area.
“Could they come over and hunt and thus his son “K” could meet us?”.
RealB would be coming too, with one son “C", because StepB needed a driver as he lost his driver’s license due to a DUI.
I told him my ‘rules’…and he agreed to them.

Both brothers are “injured” and drawing off of the ‘system’…labor and industries which goes against our beliefs~knowing their cases.
(This is one HUGE issue I will NOT go into!).

*
The brothers and sons arrived here the 8th, before Cowboy

returned from his school.
It was a nice reunion after 2 years!

We were pleased to finally meet “K”; to see “C” again, now 17.
Cowboy and I were hoping that these 2 brothers had done a lot of ‘growing’ up over the years and we were thrilled to have this time with them.
I had high hopes that maybe, just maybe, Cowboy could fill the vacancy in his heart, build a relationship with these two, as he only has a few cousins left to call family.
*
They told me they brought food and that they don’t expect me to do all of the cooking. “Great!”...I thought.
*
..WELL…
*
Saturday, these brothers and their boys were asked told to leave Sunday.
(Terri... No these “family hunters” were NOT appreciative! The other hunters Yes!)
*
This “family” of hunters brought one casserole that would feed 2 people

...and nothing else!!
Each night after hunting, they would plow through my doors, never shutting them , traipse around in their muddy feet, and call out “What’s for dinner?”
Each night, I’d kick them back out to the mud room to take off their muddy clothes, boots and to wash up! They never “got it”!
“K” did…but he was different than the other 3. “K” was very respectful.

Yes, the 14 year old!
In those horrific 8 days…I never received one thank you, not one!

(except from “K”).

I was seething! Each day I was getting closer and closer to grabbing one of their guns to shoot every bloody insolent bone in their torsos…and then some!!

I don’t have high blood pressure…but I might now!
*
Tuesday and Wednesday, the other seven hunters had left.

Luckily for everyone here, they had brought enough food to feed an army.
They had cleaned up after themselves, and never showed an ounce of disrespect for me or our home. I received a huge thank you after each meal and many hugs of gratitude when they left.
A magnificent bunch of guys! They are welcome in my home anytime!!
* * *
Now~ what do I cook? Four extra guys who brought nothing!
Two guys who’s wives work, two guys who draw more than several grand a piece, from the state each month with ‘play time & free money’ galore.


(I am going to be blunt here…)
We have food enough to last US…for awhile…until the economy turns around or something changes in our world.

We have a three (3) digit income each month right now.
There is NO room for recklessness, waste, or frivolous wants in the food department. It is the disposables such as produce, butter, milk, eggs, coffee, etc (not to forget the electricity bill) that we must ration with excruciating caution.
EVERY. Single. Shiny. Copper. Penny. Is scrutinized!

I am a light sleeper, so their nightly rampages through my frig and pantry,

eating anything they found, caused my hackles to rise.
Any other time, I may not have thought too much about it, and just let it pass. But we cannot afford this now and I’ve been very vigilant in my management of our food, to get us through these hard times.
The brothers were told. Yet, they could not or would not, respect our situation.

*
Friday night after supper, StepB asked RealB if he would take him to an 'AA' meeting 45 miles away.

“Would it be Ok if the boys stayed with us?”.
I was glad to have the brothers leave!
“K” sat and chatted with me and I helped him with his homework.

I love that youngster! He is the gem of the bunch!
“C”, on the other hand, ignored his homework, went upstairs and goofed around with the TV and literally blew it up!
YES! Smoke and all!

I don't know what would cause that...but he did whatever it took!
That was after, we heard him up there horsing around, hence popping one of the airbeds we had! He is 17 years old, remember!

I am at my blistering point! And I didn’t know I had one!


I went to bed. Frustrated and livid, I tossed and I turned.

Four a.m. rolls around and I hear the 2 brothers pull in. They are in the kitchen going through who knows what, making all kinds of racket.
Cowboy is such a sound sleeper, he heard none of it.
No, they didn’t go to an 'AA' meeting anywhere!

They went and got themselves drunk!
Six a.m. comes around, “K” and “C” are ready to be out to hunting again.

They convince their dads to head out by eight a.m.
I’m lying in bed listening and ... fuming!
I haven’t slept much this week, not a good sleep anyhow.
(I am still not sure why I didn’t have a heart attack, or go on that shooting spree!)
When I heard them leave, I got up to find my kitchen a mess ~again!
All of the eggs and milk are gone, and the last cube of my butter must have been smothered on their toast made from the last half of a loaf of bread!
$$$ Remember, my closest small store is 35 miles away! $$$

I don’t get mad easily. I usually hold it inside not allowing it to surface.

(I can’t hurt anyone’s feelings that way.)
This morning, the dogs ran and hid from me!
No one else was around and I blew up! I had had all I could take! (I thought..)


Luckily, those brothers stayed out, gone, away in their truck, ALL day.

They did not come back to our property showing their faces around me.
Just before dark, I saw their lights coming across the bridge.

A few minutes later, I saw them backing up to the pine tree. It meant one thing. Someone had got their deer, maybe both tags were filled.
They stayed outside until Cowboy got home.
"Something" was in the air.

"Were they feeling guilty for having lied to me the night before about an 'AA' meeting? "
I just sensed a difference. I didn’t know what.


I had made a pot of vegetable beef & barley soup and homemade rolls for supper.
Cowboy was hungry, as were “K” & “C”.
StepB and RealB didn’t readily come to table.
"Do you think they know by now how thoroughly disgusted and angry I am?

I hope so! I don’t care if they don’t eat! I’d just as soon not even see their faces in my house at that point, or even sitting at our table!"

After a solemn supper, without any conversation whatsoever, the brothers sent the two sons upstairs for their showers while they were next in line, they needed to go take care of the hanging deer. (yes, there were two).

Cowboy stayed in and helped me clean up. He was pretty ‘on edge’ I could tell, as we quietly worked together putting our house in order, as much as we could.
Finally, he took my hand and led me back to our room.
He had something to tell me.

Cowboy had been dayworking for a local rancher the previous 3 days, leaving at 5 a.m. and returning around 6 p.m. Each night, he was seeing my face laden with more stress, my tone shrouded with anxiety.
(I was holding everything in...I thought! After all, these are his brothers! I hoped, beyond hope, that they could build a relationship after all the years of never having had one. Maybe it was my dream…)

Cowboy had been biting his tongue all week too,

but he could not tolerate things any longer either.
The lack of respect for me, for us, for our home was beyond ~out of control!

This day, Saturday, the straw to the camel's back..was broken!
Earlier, standing outside with them when he'd returned from his daywork,

...he learned....

These two brothers had broken too many rules!
LL... Yes, some rules can be broken (fun blogging award rules..*wink )…but not the ones I’m about state.
Cowboy and I firmly believe that the most important word

in the vocabulary of this earth… is RESPECT!

In MY world, hunting dictates:


There must be the exemplary regard for safety! (“C” was not shown or taught this being his first time handling a gun, let alone hunting! I'm still surprised someone was not hurt...or...)

*
Then there is:
Respect for the laws
Respect for the earth you are treading upon
Respect for the owners of those properties you are treading upon
And ultimately ...Respect for the animals you are hunting!




ALL four of these rules were repulsively broken!

There was no asking for permission to hunt on properties and they admitted to Cowboy, of trespassing on those that were posted! This is a small community with vast open lands. These two brothers did not respect the fact that we are a part of this community…and their behavior could come back to haunt US!

That does not sit well with us.

Then, instead of hunting on foot, they drove everywhere! Their excuse was that it was too cold, too wet! They drove on the muddy steep slopes of our countryside, damaging the terrain and the owner’s properties.

UNACCEPTABLE!

Disregard for the laws?

I will not tell you how many of them or which ones they broke.
FAR, FAR too many!

Disrespect for the animals (pheasant & deer)?

I will not disclose because no one needs to feel the same repulsion I feel!

Cowboy, RealB and StepB were all raised by FIL. They were taught the precise rules of safety, the ultimate respect of hunting. They were enforced explicitly.
I have an unrelenting ache in my heart for my dear FIL. I pray that he does not ‘know’ that 2 of the sons he raised, with love and diligence-have tossed his teachings into the wind with total disregard and disrespect!

And what “K” and “C” were taught by their fathers those 8 days?

Abhorrent! Appalling!

After Cowboy finished telling me what he had learned about those past 8 days,
I was a shattered. Worse than I’d been that morning.
My stomach wrenched, the tears would not end.
He went upstairs to tell StepB and RealB they must leave
the next day before I wake up. They agreed.

And guess what?

When I awoke, they were still here!
Not in the house, but they had walked out back to hunt one last time!!
They returned about 2 pm. Empty handed thankfully, because I know at that point,
I would have gone on a shooting spree!!
(I'd be in jail right now, unable to tell you all where I had disappeared to!)

Cowboy told them to get their sh*t together and get out!

Never... Never… again!

Unfortunately, Cowboy’s immediate family unit did not strengthen and rebuild


~it disintegrated ..beyond repair.

It is with bittersweet admission, those other 7 hunters, those wonderful friends whom we’ve shared our lives and our home with, for years….may not be our blood family…but we treasure, respect and embrace them as “our REAL Family”.


I am slowly...putting those 8 days of hell, behind the locked doors of my heart.






34 comments:

fernvalley01 said...

So sorry to hear that you had such a horrible experience. Family can be the greatest blessing, like you and your Cowboy or, the biggest curse. I am sure your community knows you well enough to know you did not sanction that behavior and will understand that you cannot control the actions of these adults. Sad lesson learned I guess. I am a stranger to you, but I wish I could give you some help in this difficult time. It is all I can offer right now so I will keep you in my prayers and I am sending you a huge "virtual Hug"

Lea and her Mustangs said...

We have learned thru the years that blood does not a family make. But love, RESPECT, and being there for you does. I am so glad that you excperienced what "real" hunters do, not those who just go out and shoot. My hubby would have called the game warden I am thinking. Our thoughts and prayers are with you as you recover from your invasion.

Sharon said...

My husband and I have always said that some family members believe that shared blood is a free ticket to use or take advantage of us. He has similar "disconnections" from his real brothers as well. Sorry you had such a rough time there and I'll be praying for you.

Theresa @ Take A Sentimental Journey said...

Oh gosh Barb, thank goodness they are gone ! Here is a big hug coming at ya .....

DesertHen said...

Barb, I am so sorry you had to go through all of that! I know what you felt as Hayman has a brother just like you described those other two as being. Only Hayman's brother treated his children like animals and took advantage of the rest of the family in horrid ways!This brother went so far as to be drunk at Hayman's dear Grandmother's funeral. I do know my dear friend how you feel and I wish I could be there to give you a hug and make you laugh!! We can not choose our family but God has given us the ability to find and choose our friends...so I feel those wonderful dear friends make up for those family members that fall way short and hurt us so deeply! ((((HUGS))) to you and Cowboy.....=D

Cactus Jack Splash said...

You did better than I would have. Too bad that family can not remember the values that they were given and made your life heck. bless your husband for putting you above his siblings.

Train Wreck said...

Oh my poor dear too patient friend!You are a saint! I would have kicked their asses out! Can you say asses? Any way that is intolerable! Some people just have no concept of what it takes to make a living, to have to do without, and save. Karma my friend, it will come around. You tell your fella he doesnt need that kind of family! They are NOT worthy of your goodness. I am your new, far away, with much respect for you two, family! You need butter? I am on my way! WIth Rolls to boot!

Egghead said...

I am so sorry that they are a couple of bumbling idiots. I think every family has a few of those some worse than others. Soon this will pass. Thank God you have the good one in the cowboy. Blessings will come to you soon.

Sage said...

Barb {{hugs}} I am sorry for you and Cowboy, to have your hospitality abused like that is awful and to have it done by family is even worse. Hope you feel calmer now they have gone and can put it behind you..

Jamie said...

Good Morning! I'm visiting from Razor Family Farms blog. I'm sorry that happened to you and your husband. It amazes me that some people have such a lack of respect for other people and their things much less the law. Now I'm off to read more on your blog! Have a great day!

Tessa said...

To have taken your warm hospitality and quite literally have thrown it back in your face by behaving like savages is an absolute travesty. My heart goes out to you and your Cowboy. I wish I could send you a big pot of comforting chicken soup just like Mama used to make it!

wordmama said...

Oh Barb - I'm so sorry. To have such high hopes dashed by two very ignorant and ungrateful men. I tip my hat to both you and cowboy for managing to kick them out without litterally kicking them in the butt. I don't think it would have been quite so calm with me at the threshold.

At least, as you said, you have the extended family of friends and neighbours. That family that you choose is sometimes the best family of all.

*big hugs*

Mrs Mom said...

I'm with you WoW- I'da shot the bast*rds. Seriously- BANG!!

Much love to you, Wonderful Lady. And to Cowboy too.

Linda said...

There are just some people...................that you should let ME deal with for you.

The Ranch said...

I am SO sorry for you and Cowboy. I wish I could give ya a big hug and come help you clean (I'd bring groceries!!) and you could have a rest...instead, you get a "cyber-hug" and all my prayers for healing.
And I'm glad you're not in jail :)

Ranch wife said...

Bless your heart. What an awful visit. You need a few days rest and relaxation.

~M~

LL said...

*smooch*

Heidi said...

Blood is not always thicker than water my dear! :)Your family is who you choose it to be a lot of times- I wish it has been a better experience for you both....

Renie Burghardt said...

Oh, Barb, what an awful experience, and with "family," no less. Be glad you and cowboy are not like them. Your kindness will be repaid someday, and those insensitive, "family" members will get repaid as well! "What goes around, comes around!"

Big hugs and prayers,

Renie

The Blonde Duck said...

What terrible folks. Good riddance! I'm so sorry you had to put up with all that!

earth heart said...

Barb - I'm so sorry you had to go through this. It's sickening just how ruthless, rude and inconsiderate some folks can be. I hear ya on all accounts here. It's too bad for you and Cowboy that things went this way instead of the way you'd hoped, but now everyone knows where they stand. You sure can't say you didn't try.

Janice Thomson said...

I can relate to this in every way minus the hunting part. My son is like your Cowboy's brothers and I too had to send him packing as he is disrespectful, a user and a manipulator. It took many years to finally say no, enough is enough.
I hope your heart mends quickly now that they are gone. Take care Barb - you are a beautiful person.

Muddy Boot Dreams said...

Terrible behaviour of those relatives. But maybe "bad guest Karma" will catch up with them one day.

We can only hope, right?

Jen

terri said...

I simply can't imagine having to try to tolerate what you've been through with these guys. I have experienced my share of family problems. (I have a sister in law who strongly dislikes me for reasons that are not clear to me. But she is crazy, so I don't give it too much thought.) But what you had to deal with is outrageous. I'm sorry Cowboy didn't get the chance to build relationships with this visit, but it is surely not his fault.

Freak Magnet said...

You are amazingly strong. What a crew of disrespectful dolts! I can't imagine how people could be so rude - especially being "family". Although it's sad that your husband's relationships with them couldn't be nurtured, I honestly don't think it's a loss!

Miracle said...

I'm sorry for you and Cowboy, I wish you will always success :)
By the way, I like you blog, it's great .

RazorFamilyFarms.com said...

Bless your heart!!! I am so mad with those ungrateful so-and-sos! Give me half a chance and I'd give them a butt-chewing that they would never forget. My gracious!

I'm so MAD right now. How dare they take advantage of my Momma Barb???

Grrrrrrrr....

Love,
Lacy

Amanda said...

Sometimes you have to take the trash out of the house. Sometimes people are the trash. This is kinda like the time my alcoholic brother harrassed the entire family for days on end being a beligerant insulting drunken ass, always telling us 3 sisters we need to lose weight, our kids needed his form of dicipline (yikes) on and on. On the last day we were all sitting around the table and he thought he had a little gas toot, ended up being something else and he pooped his pants right there in front of us all (I think it was the alcohol that caused the intestinal problem myself)!! What can I say? I can see him once every 5 years and then it is still too much. I am glad i live over 1000 miles away from him!!! But I do love him, really I do, just from a distance is all.

JennyLu said...

You know, this post just showed up on my blogger. Grrr. I am so sorry I missed it. I hope your "mentally" better now, it sounds like you had quite the load of grown babies on your hands. LOL. Hugs and stay warm. I don't know if that bathrobe is gonna do u much good in this chill.
Jenn

oregontribal1 said...

Oh Barb...what a terrible thing to endure and for 8 DAYS...yikes!! I would have tied them up whilst they slept and sent them down the river..literally!! Guess I just can't put up with Butt Heads like that. Best advice I ever got: Never judge a person by their relatives. I can tell just by your words...that you and your Cowboy, are wonderful people!!! You hang in there..and don't answer the phone if they ever get the balls to call you!! People who have NO RESPECT for themselves, don't have RESPECT for anything at all...too bad they showed you just what they were made of! Want me to send the "cowboy mafia" after them??? Teresa

The Wife said...

Oh my! It's true what they say, you can't pick your family. But how awesome is it that you have such wonderful friends you can call family. I hope you and Cowboy are recuperating from the bad week.

Professor said...

OMG- this is just terrible. I'm so sorry you had to endure such a horrendous thing! These people are just a menace. I'm so sorry you even are related-- all the interaction I have with hunters here just prove that they are mostly terrible everywhere.

And sometimes friends can prove to be better family.

{{{{HUGS}}}

Rue said...

Oh Barb.... I'm so sorry. There's nothing worse than being hurt and disrespected by your family.

My mom has always said "Blood or not, ask yourself one thing... would you speak to them if they weren't family? If not, then don't. Life is too short to deal with that kind of pain."

Don't beat yourself up over this. YOU did nothing wrong and they should be ashamed.

Btw, I'm not supposed to be blogging right now, because we're getting ready to go out of town, but I wanted to come by and visit before I left. Off to read more....

DADR

Tatersmama said...

I just came across your blog, and I've got to say... "I'm hooked".

I'm shocked and amazed at the pure crap that you and your cowboy had to suffer through. It sounds like one of those fellas might be married to my sister and she's taught them most of her bad habits.

But ya know...anyone who can put up with that amount of abuse, ignorance and idiocy without shooting someone or knocking their heads clean off their shoulders, must be a pretty special woman.
You're a better woman that I am, my dear.
See, I paid back my sister by substituting my chocolate stash (that she kept stealing no matter how well I hid it) by replacing the chocolate with "chocolate flavored laxative". She gave me the s***s for a week, so I gave her the s***s right back.
Like I said... you're a nicer woman than I am.

*hugs*