Reality Check...

Thanks TW for the note the other day...

It 'woke' me up.
It made me realize "Life goes on".

Now I just need to figure out where to start!


Cowboy Wife

I've been home for whole 4 weeks.....

...the longest stretch in 6 months!!


I would not change the time time I've spent away from home since September...but I need this time.
I am trying to put my head in a good place.
~
My Dad was diagnosed last September with prostate and lung cancer.
Between his weakening body, numerous falls, 911 calls, hospital visits and treatments,
my younger sister from Minn. and I took two week turns as helper, chauffeur and caregivers.
Cowboy and I traded our Christmas with the kids and grandkids at the last minute to spend it with my parents, as Dad had taken another turn for the worse.
It's amazing how when the need is there, one can dig deep within themselves to find the strength, the stamina, the drive to do all that is necessary... and appreciated...in caring for a loved one
 ~ even at the expense of your own physical, mental and financial state.
The toll is not realized until the "job" is done. And it's huge!
~
All of my time spent with Mom and Dad since September, will be forever treasured in my heart.
~ 
I lost my Dad February 22...the day he and Mom had wed 63 years prior.
~
I miss him every moment of every day!
Even though we were as different as black and white in our lifestyles...
we were definetly two peas of the same pod in our ideals.
Mom gave me a gift a few years back, a wall plaque that states:
"Sometimes when I open my mouth, my Dad comes out"
I am proud of that fact!

I am the Absentee Owner..

of this blog....

...and I've been trying to find myself!
It's been a nasty two years, for sure! A few ups and wayyyy too many downs!
I'll fill in the gruesome realities briefly..
~
In April 09, we thought things were changing for the good.
The good turned out to be ONLY that I could have pizza any ol' time!
The man who owned the place basically used us! Our sweat and tears...and many dollars too!
He never came through with any of his promises, and then sold the place!
(his timing was good...for what was to come!)
And the job I took? Started out to be great!....went downhill too! (I will clarify later)
Each day seemed a step backwards.

~In Feb 2010, we did get to visit our son in Texas and see the San Antonio Stock show~that was an "Up" time.
~
Then in March 2010, the house we lived in, got broke into in the middle of the day.
They took all of our electronics from computer, camera, TV's etc. They rummaged through our belongings and took our 'safe box' which had titles, birth certificates etc.
Not only were our possessions taken, but so were our "identities". (and of course, we never bothered to get 'renters insurance!)
~
My post from Aug '09 sounded like it would be UP for sure...
but little did we know, we were on a fast track downhill there too!

Last July, we had to evict the gal and her two kids that we leased our home to.
She had given one too many excuses for not being able to pay and we'd already let her slide over 4 months, as we knew what it was like to have tough times.
So....when the power company called on a Friday to inquire on her status with our house because they were disconnecting her on Monday, we got curious smarter and Cowboy paid her a visit.
OMG! NOT PRETTY!!!!
Starving horses (13 to be exact!), 22+ cats inside and out! Burned out well pump! Which we had to fork out $3000 to replace! (it just happened the day before and could have been prevented, as with our pressure tank, we'd explained the pressurizing that was essential every 5-6 months based on usage!).
He could not see our driveway through all the grown up weeds (she had her car repo'd in March...I discovered in left behind paperwork).
~The end of July, we were able to visit our daughter, her husband and  our grandkids...
...that was our last Up time!
~
Aug 1, we retook possession. I pulled in here 30 minutes after she'd hightailed out of here, leaving a path of missed belonging in her wake. The stench was horrendous even as I drove the long driveway! I even had to call the sheriff out as she'd left 3 starving horses behind. Their hooves looked like skis and each and every bone was clearly visible!
To make this reallllllllly long story short..because it is still in the making~
it was an expensive venture we had gone on.
Replacing the well pump; the numerous trips to the dump, to the tune of 7,000# (yes 3.5 tons!) of garbage...raw  (she never had garbage service I learned), cat sh**, and more cat sh**, and more cat sh**, soda cans, you name it! All left in the garages and house! We rented an ionizer to hopefully help remove odors! Hired young guys to help with garbage hauling, tearing up ALL the flooring, cleaning, painting...the process is still going on and on!
We will be spending the next several years trying to put this place back to the way it was!
Inside and Out!
Yes...we are living here again, as we decided we could not do all that was required on weekends only.
The horses destroyed my yard, my gardens, all of the fencing.
The many cats she left are still showing up!
The humans (if you can call them that!) ruined the interior!
~~
...and more importantly, this journey we were on, took from us the one trait we took pride in....
TRUST!
~~
Then....last weekend, I was trying to put some order back into our lives....
.
 (The 6 months of our lives prior to this post, will be yet another post in itself,
as we were faced with a whole different set of emotional set backs.)
..
....I was able to unpack and clean out some things, and I came upon some of my most treasured gifts!
I got all weepy-eyed....

I am still amazed at just how blessed I am to have "met" the most amazing people in the world~
here in blogland!!
I've missed you and I love you all!

The Terrible Twos are coming...

...and I'm not ready, willing, or able!

BUT...I'll buck up and face my demons!

This week I'm faced with TWO jobs.

At my paying job, I must start training yet another gal!

I've had to train TWO already in a short (?) nine months and that was after

I had barely begun to learn the feedlot business myself!

It's exhausting trying to teach a non-agricultural person the bare bone basics of cattle

so that they can comprehend even the tiniest of reasons of why their job requires accuracy,

attention to detail and timing!

Oh well...having TWO jobs for the price of one seems to be my agenda.

* 

Now...if you know me, you know there is more to this story of the Terrible TWOs!

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*

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As for my Non-paying job??

~

Cowboy...loses his TWO hands on Wednesday for TWO weeks.

After much a-do and years of excruciating pain

 ( and because I'm paying a fortune for him to be covered  with insurance at my job),

we decided it was time to see if he can be put back into good working condition

or if it was time to discard him to the Old Cowboy Wrecking Yard.

He went to TWO doctors, with more than TWO issues.

Both agreed he was old and rusty and broken down,

but there is hope that he can be reconditioned into a working Cowboy,

however never to be fully restored.

No, these "fixes" require more than duct tape and baling twine,

the only TWO items ever found in our first aid kit.

The neurologist said in his 30 years of practice, he's never seen this much damage,

with carpel tunnel progressing up to the elbow with so much nerve fraying and damage.

Let alone in TWO hands!

"How come you let it get to this point?"

The surgeon says "Do you realize, if you had ignored this and let it go much longer,

within 5 years, you'd have NO use of your hands!"

"You wouldn't even be able to hold a pencil!"

"How come you let it get to this point?"

Cowboy says to the TWO doctors...

"SURVIVAL!"

So, in this restoration process, we can only hope his knees hold out long enough!

(I know some of you have asked, since March '09 and that is another post in itself)

The next visit with the neurologist, will be to assess and decide how to proceed with the effects of nerve damage as it has "fingered" into his back resulting from the 'compensation factor'. 

Cowboy says no matter what...there will be NO surgeries on his back!!

Just fix my knees!!

They will get to those TWO extremities~ the TWO doctors proclaim.

But the restoration process cannot happen all at once.

We cannot afford that!

Nor can this W.O.W.!

~

I'll be changing my name to D.O.W.

(Dumb Ol' Woman...Dead Ol' Wife)

soon enough!!

~

Hey, I'm tough as a tiger (ha!) and I can handle most things that are tossed at me.

I can hold down the fort. I can be TWO people.

The TWO jobs, the animals, the feeding, cleaning, bandaging, etc. etc.

but there is one thing in this TWO stepping, TWO timing life I'm faced with

that I am NOT ready, willing or able to do!

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I've informed Cowboy

 that the sprinkler will be running 24/7

because

I

 refuse

to

wipe

 his

*s*!

  

LL...more to your expectations?