What the heck...

...I've spilled my guts before!

Ok…who the heck Scrapped me?? Far too many of you I'd say!
What in tarnation are you all trying to tell me anyhow?
In my book, Scrapping is what you do with something that’s old or no longer useful

for it’s original purpose…like Scrap Iron, Scrap paper, table scraps…

What’s a person like me supposed to think?

Geez!
So you think you want Scraps of me?
Well, hope you don’t regret Scrappin’ this ol’ gal!

I can come back to haunt you, you know!

I've thought long and hard as to whether I'd do this or not.
I then remembered that some of you already know more about me
than my own family does~ as since the beginning of my blogging last May,
it's been no holds barred as my fingers tap away at the keyboard!
So, here's some more dirt on me.
*
Just be sure to fill the hole back in when you are done reading!
Shovel will be provided!
Start Diggin' my friends...

1) I may be a short, lightweight, lefty…but don’t let that fool you! Cowboy always warns people that dynamite comes in small packages! I can hold my own with most men, pull more than my own weight, stand tall for what I believe in and punch with my right if necessary! (I’m sure for these reasons, I won’t be caring for myself by the time I’m 60-70…but then, someone had better shoot me!
If there are any takers on this deed, we can sign a contract now, so I can rest easy...)

2) I tend to hold my anger or frustrations inside. In all honestly, I’ve only totally ‘lost it’ 3 times in my life! Twice with Hydro (daughter). First was when she was 8..she threatened to jump off the rail of a bridge into a dry creek... (She was mad at me for something). Running towards her, with willow branch waving , she got off and ran up an embankment like a deer! I was hot on her tail with my blood boiling! Unfortunately, my endurance could not match a spry 8 year olds. I was exhausted by the time I got to the top where she stood so smug, all I could do was hug her! Not out of love…but for needing to hang on and catch my breath and wits!
Second time was during those trying “mother/daughter” years (I'm still amazed my Mom survived 3 girls!). One evening I was so angry (hmmm..can’t remember why now though) , I stormed flew out of my room, charged at her with my finger wagging and tongue flailing as she sat in a rocker in front of ceiling to floor windows…she honestly thought I was going to shove her out through the glass…and I wanted to.
My third time of cutting loose was with Cowboy! 20+ years ago.....before he quit drinking...hence he hasn't drank since!

3) I dreamed since I was a young girl ~of having my own Nursery/Greenhouse. Becoming a Cowboy’s wife as I did, meant following the Cowboy way, not getting my fingers in the dirt of my choosing! You must move and move again to where ever a Cowboy needs to go. Where the work is! We have moved 22 times in our years. Bought, built and/or remodeled (100% with our own hands)...7 of those times. If there was anything already hinting of “landscaped”…I’d hand dig it all up and start with my own ideas. I planned & planted. I watched my endeavors spring to life, become as I dreamed they be! Just as they’d begin to flourish~it was time to move again. That's as close to my dreams I've ever gotten.
(3 ½: I never totally unpack everything!)

4) I went to college and became a Paralegal. I needed to prove to "someone" in my life…that I was capable! That I deserved to be treated as a valued person; that I warranted respect. While going to college full time, working full time…and never ever neglecting the young lives of my children....
I didn’t get much sleep in those days…heck I still don’t.....
I learned a valuable lesson because of my Advisor. To be assertive! And assertive I became!
I divorced "the reason" I needed to go to college! (Yep…I was married before!) I never went on to pursue that career, because I had accomplished my goal! And it felt wonderful! I began to actually live & breathe again! Then I met Cowboy….and with like #3, a Paralegal career would not fit into that lifestyle.
And I didn’t care! I have no regrets.

5) I’m a self taught ‘electrician’! Electricity bothers me NOT! I wired and rewired those houses I talked about in #3. (Cowboy fears electricity!) Each time I passed inspection the first time! I am the designated electric fence tester. I can grab hold and hang on without care! Electrical things in my life have a very short life span. Toasters, irons, sewing machines, handheld phones, curling irons, hair dryers, (like I ever need these!), coffee pots, (my trusty Bunn is the only one that survives my coffee passion…the 3 I’ve owned have each lasted a min. of 4 years! Others…a max. of 4 weeks!). The list goes on and on including computers. I have ‘fried’ 2 of my own and 3 at jobs I’ve held.
Warning, never hire me if you want your computer to live!

6) My Cowboy and others call me an Artist. That is a HUGE title, one which I’ve yet to acknowledge. Pencil is one I prefer, etching on scratchboard is another. I give it all away to who ever thinks they want it. I have kept a few of my favorites and only when we moved here, 3 years ago, would I allow them to hang on my walls. (I am my own worst critic). I love working with wood and building things. Outside? Nature and it's gifts provides me another palette to get creative with! I took up stained glass last winter, making my own patterns and teaching myself as I learned, burned & cut myself, broke and cussed at many shards! Funds and economy stopped me in my tracks, from pursuing it again this winter.

7) I am a perfectionist! And I hate myself for it sometimes! A few hints....when I edge my lawn…I use an old kitchen knife & scissors, while on my hands and knees to making the “perfect” curve or straight edge.
When I paint walls (which I love to do. I am forever changing the colors in my house)...I use a tiny artist brush at the ceilings, the floor, around the trims & tiny 'surprises' sprinkled about. Takes me hours and hours. I tolerate no ‘slips’ or misses!
Cleaning? A toothbrush and my hands and knees are my companion! These days I make sure I have my reading glasses on so I miss not a single speck!

8) Yet…at the same time as #7…I can walk away when I see my quest has come to completion…..almost! The last 1-2” of a hand painted design on a bedroom wall will never be finished; a picture or stained-glass creation will lie tossed to the side and never be framed until someone else lays claim to it. The end product looks just like I envisioned, albeit 99.9% completed! I need no more than that.

9) I could be a vegetarian easily. I am pretty (ridiculously) finicky about my meat! Corn fed beef (done our way!) and hung for 30 days (costs more though but worth every dime or rather dollar!) on my orders or I won’t patronize that butcher, cut NO fat off! Pork MUST have fat also! I cannot eat store bought pork or beef! Or most other people’s idea of GOOD meat!

Better put on and pull up your waders....this one is deep!

10) If I were alone…I would live at the ocean. The Pacific...Oregon shores are the best!

I’d walk the sandy beaches barefoot. I’d allow the crashing waves to tackle my ankles.

I’d inhale the salty sea mist and listen as the gulls cry through the skies.

I’d have a little cozy cottage, complete with a fireplace to curl up by.

I’d write, I’d draw, I’d read, I’d quilt, I’d blog!
Rain or shine!!
I'd live on tacos and PB & J's...& coffee of course!
I L-O-V-E the ocean…the peace it brings me.

And.....
Now, hang on to your saddles here …those of you who love them…I would never have to see, speak or hear the word HORSE again! On MY turf!

Without going into a ton of detail for my reasons (I've got 30+ years of pent up reasons!)

...HORSE means: broke in the wallet, too many hours of people, time dominance, restrictive & obtrusive, damage, pain ....I'll stop here as I'm sure I just dug my hole deeper here...but that's me and my guts spilling.....

Now that I’ve been ‘forced’ into scrapping my life…

I thought it would be harder to do and then I had to start eliminating,

would anyone care to pick up the pieces, glue them back together so

I can start all over again?

Nope, dumb question…I don’t want to start over!

*

I would not change my life!

I may not always like the life that I have,

but I always love my Cowboy and our life together!

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Here's your shovel, as I promised~now start filling the dirt back in!

If you feel inclined? Go dig up some dirt of your own,

scrap yourself on your blog for us to read!

While you are at it....please shovel my snow too!

Thanks!

**EDIT: 1/7/09**..if you feel the need to leave a judgmental email instead of a comment, please go here first.

Oh the Weather Outside Is Delightful...

...Let it Rain, Let it Rain, Let it Rain!

We don’t get much rain in our small part of the world so today we received a welcomed treat!
I do love the rains…..the ever so scarce ones~that is.
The everyday predictable ones, I can live without.

Since a gentle rain was falling, I felt compelled to do the one thing I love,
and rarely have the opportunity to do.
Take a walk in the rain!
*

I turned my face upwards as I left the eaves of the porch, allowing the pure waters, falling from above, to land on my cheeks. There was an immediate renewal in my heart.
The burdens resting on my shoulders this past month began draining from my mind with each footstep I took.
I walked down the drive not knowing which way my feet would take me.
Each step landing softly on the once crispness of fallen leaves, now gentled with moisture.
I witnessed the remaining leaves which once clung to their twining branches with life,
were now drifting and dripping to the ground.
They landed with a soft sigh of relief to have finally let go.

Beyond my reach, the once golden hills surrounding us, lay dormant.
They were quickly being freed from the weight of their dusty blanket.
The new wheat sprouts that have emerged in green hues can now welcome winter’s arrival without the burden they have carried on their tender blades.

I wandered to the bridge in our drive and rested my arms on the rail.
The creek below slipped quietly by, as I noticed three wild turkeys.
They were roosted high on a large willow branch and I followed their watchful eye.
Slowly padding along the soggy shores of the creek was a lone coyote, drinking from a shallow pool. He paused momentarily, probably catching my scent, glancing my way without fear and commenced to drink some more.

In the distance a red-tailed hawk floated aimlessly on the raindrops as if he were sailing.

The hushed calm of this rare moisture was soothing to all it fell upon.

Having lingered for better than fifteen minutes, I decided to wander up through a draw that I had yet to explore. Curiosities lead my way up the now muddy cattle trail.
I wondered what views may be awaiting me. With each step I left my own footprint.
I stopped glancing behind me, to compare the tread of my shoes to those hoof prints of the animals that crossed this path daily.
I felt as if I were intruding. I walked with a softer gait then, careful to not disturb their grounds.
Further up the trail, I scattered a family of quail and a field mouse dropped back into the earth.

Oh how peaceful this rain is.
It is not only a desperately needed cleansing rain, it is also a welcomed healing rain.

This country is comprised of many steep rolling hills. There is a vastness of unknowns beyond each rise. If a person is unable to read nature’s compass, becoming lost would be easy.
There are not the sounds of combines this time of year, yet once in awhile, one can hear the hushed drone of a lonesome tractor in the far distance making its way through the dusty valleys.

Today, there is only the touching sounds of raindrops as they slide down to the earths surface .....and only if one takes the time to listen!

I reached a crest, which is called “eyebrows” here, and noticed a rock outcropping that was beckoning me a few hundred yards away. Slowly and lightly, I made my way to them as the grasses that were now beneath my feet were slippery. The rain had become a light drizzle by now. I took off my coat and placed it as a pillow to sit on.

Stillness wrapped itself around me. There I sat, alone in this huge expansive land with the immense feeling of belonging to this earth, being so blessed to share in its bounty of nourishment and glory.
The dampness in the air filled my senses with newly uncovered aromas of the sage and the soil;
with a renewed awareness of the simplicity of my life.
My head floated in this quiet truth.
This is where my heart belongs, walking side by side with nature and wanting nothing more.

This is my home where the silence becomes my companion; the earth, my guide.

My eyes caught a movement far below my perch. Lying under the protection of a cottonwood’s fading canopy was a 5 point buck. His head was raised and uncaring.
Several feet to the north of him were 2 does at the creek side.
They were oblivious to my presence,
and if they were not, they knew I meant them no harm.
For I too, was enjoying this soft rain, cleansing the earth,
consoling the mind and encouraging the heart.

Upon reaching the steps to the backdoor, I noticed in the glare of the glass, that my hair glistened with moisture, my coat clung snugly to my shoulders and my shoes had left muddy footprints on the sidewalk behind me.

And the rains had stopped.

I loved my walk in the rain!

Tomorrow brings a clean slate;
beginning with a new day, a new month, and a new beginning of hopes.